Connie Rainwater answers your questions from the show

I have asked Connie Rainwater (panelists and husband of Pastor Vernon Rainwater) if she would be willing to answer some of your questions submitted at the show at Northland on Jan. 27th. She was more gracious enough to share her marital wisdom with us all. 

Question:
"How do you let the little things go?"

Connie's answer:
There are so many kinds of “little things.” If you are talking about squeezing the toothpaste in the middle, that is one thing. If you are talking about not getting home for dinner, or something else that seems to be a symptom of a larger issue, then that is worth some conversation.

When confronted with little, irritating things one’s spouse does, I think the best approach is to express it one time. After that, it is important to remember the big picture. This is a person you love. 

My father-in-law was one of the wisest men I have ever known. He used humor to deal with nearly everything in his life. Whenever my mother-in-law would get after him for something he had done, he would say, jokingly, “Now Mother, there are plenty of women in this town who would love to have my size 14 boots parked under their bed.” He was a faithful man, so part of the humor was in the fact that his leaving was so far fetched. So it was hilarious, but he made his point. Was this really worth creating conflict? 

On the other hand, if your spouse is irritated with something you are doing and has expressed it, you have been given key information about how to love him/her well. How would it ever be worth it for you to continue doing something that takes away from your spouse’s daily delight?  And how would it ever be worth it for you to fail to do something that you know would add to your spouse’s daily joy? 

I believe that relationships have a sort of balance sheet, or savings account. Each thoughtful, loving thing you do adds to the balance in that relational account. The bigger the balance in the relational account, the stronger the sense of love, trust and security that exists. When hard times come and neither you nor your spouse have anything to give to one another, you have to make withdrawals from that account, relying on the faith you have come to have in one another. But relationships, like businesses, can go bankrupt. So take advantage of every kind thing you can possibly do for your spouse.

The Pastor Joel and Pastor Vernon Sermon Song!

Your support keeps us going.

Please consider visiting www.themarriageshow.com/give20 to find out how to support the ministry.

Enjoy this free song!

Also available to download on our iTunes The Marriage Show podcast feed.

Pastor Joel & Vernon Song

Summit Church Show Review - Nov. 18, 2011

Thank you Frank & PJ Turner, John Rivers and the 4Rivers team!

If you were at the show tonight, here's what you are looking for:

Contact the Turners via http://www.hiswaycf.com/

Find out all about 4Rivers Smokehouse at http://4rsmokehouse.com/

Here's John Rivers' recipes: 

4 Rivers Smokehouse Turkey with Bourbon Glaze

Turkey Brine

• 1 1/2 cups, kosher salt
• 1 1/4 cups, brown sugar
• 6 fresh sprigs thyme (or 3 tsp dried)
• 6 fresh sprigs of sage (or 3 tsp dried)
• 6 fresh sprigs of rosemary (or 3 tsp dried)
• 2 apples, quartered
• 2 oranges, quartered
• 3 tsp black peppercorns
• 1 1/2 gallons (6 quarts) apple juice or apple cider (non-alcoholic)

Combine all ingredients except fruit and herbs in a non-reactive pot and stir until mixed completely. Add fruit and herbs and keep cold. Can be prepared up to 24 hours in advance.

Smoked Turkey

• 1 18-22 lb turkey, thawed and cleaned (smaller turkeys will work just as well) 
• ½ cup, vegetable oil
• ¼ cup, kosher salt
• ¼ cup, black pepper
• tsp of ground sage
• tsp of ground thyme
• 3 cups, apple juice in a squirt bottle
• charcoal, lump recommended
• hickory chips or chunks- soaked in water for 1 hour.
• meat thermometer

Submerge turkey completely in brine and allow to soak overnight in a refrigerator or in a cooler with ice packs careful to not allow the temperature of water to rise above 41 degrees.

Light charcoal in smoker, cover and allow to reach and rest at 225 degrees.

Remove turkey from brine and pat dry with paper towel. Save vegetables and herbs from brine. Coat outside of turkey with oil and rub entire bird with salt, pepper, ground sage and a touch of ground thyme covering the inside cavity as well. Once rubbed, stuff cavity with vegetables and herbs from brine.

Add wood directly on top of hot coals to create a heavy smoke. Place turkey in smoker, cover tightly and allow to smoke until the internal temperature of turkey thigh reaches 155 (roughly 4-6 hours).  After first hour then every hour following, spray turkey with apple juice careful to not allow the smoker to remain open for any extended duration.

Cook the 4R Bourbon Glaze while turkey is smoking.

Monitor temperature of smoker to maintain a constant 225 degrees, more coal might be needed. Continue to monitor and add wood when initial chunks are burnt so a constant stream of smoke is maintained.

Remove turkey from smoker place in shallow roasting pan and cover with foil or saran wrap. Allow meat to rest for 30 minutes or up to an hour. Slice, serve with 4R Bourbon Glaze and enjoy!

4R Bourbon Glaze

• bones from 3 smoked chicken or one large smoked turkey. Picked free of meat
• 1 onion quartered
• 2 pieces of celery, halved
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1 gallon of water
• salt and pepper
• ½ cup, bourbon
• ½ c 4 Rivers Smokehouse BBQ sauce

Add poultry bones, vegetables and spices to water and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer uncovered for 3 hours. Pour broth through a strainer to remove all ingredients using care to capture all the liquid.  Pour broth back into pot, bring to boil and reduce by another 1/3 (approximately 4 cups). 

In a separate pan, add bourbon and bring to a fast boil. Lower heat to medium and allow bourbon to reduce to a ¼ cup (about 5 minutes). Add 4R Smokehouse BBQ sauce and 1½ cups of the both and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and continue cooking for 45 minutes until glaze is thick enough to stick to the back of your spoon. Serve warm over Smoked Turkey.

Makes approximately 1½ cups.  

Enjoy (says John Rivers)!

Please share any comments...

Avalon Park Church show review

Ben & Aubrey had tons of great and helpful content at tonight's show.

Here are some notes:

What is your communication style? 
1. Disappearing Couple
2. Warring Couple      
3. Roommates 
4. Connected/Intimate Couple 

Do you have a "Communication Plan?"  
Start with committing to what you want to achieve in your communication. 
Here are some examples: Respect, Oneness, Being for each other, Serve each other, Minister to each other, Reflect Christ to each other and to those around you.

Contact them at:
Ben Hutchings at Twelve Stones Counseling
Ph:407-900-3218
Website: http://www.twelvestonescounseling.com/   
Email: Ben@twelvestonescounseling.com 
Aubrey Hutchings: 407-900-4244  
Email: AubreyLHutchings@yahoo.com  

Also please check out familylife.org/weekend for more on the Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway.

And... Central Florida Marriage Coach, Mr. James Price at http://theauthorofmarriage.com/.

Fundamental #1: God is in Charge by Ben Hutchings, LMHC

Is God holding the full weight of your heart’s desire for your marriage?

When you hang a large picture on the wall, you have two options.  You can hang it from a single point with a thick nail, or you can connect hangers to both sides and connect them with a wire, giving it one point at which it hangs from the wall on the wire.  This is much like marriage.  We, as husbands and wives, wire our opposing sides together in covenant marriage before God, and in this commitment allow Christ to be the single point that we hang our marriage upon. 

In order to live this out, let’s look again at the metaphor.  A picture stays on the wall, with the weight distributed more evenly between the two points, ultimately pulling upon that single point.  In our marriages, we will distribute the weight of our needs and wants between one another, but ultimately we must take these to our Lord, for only He can bear the full weight of our individual and marital desires. 

Consider for a moment the desires you have for your marriage and what is it that you do with them?  Do you give up on them and settle, becoming roommates? Do you demand them of your loved one, unwilling to face your disappointment, becoming a user rather than a lover?  Or perhaps you bring your desires to your partner in open vulnerability all the while bringing the full weight of them to the Lord? Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Ben Hutchings, LMHC & The Marriage Show Partner
Twelve Stones Counseling Center
407-353-3218 ext. 105 

10 fun things for a couple to do together

Looking for something fun to do as a couple? You should be.

Keeping that spark in your marriage is important. How can you surprise your spouse with a fun thing to do?

Here are 10 ideas:

Take a class together at a local college
The choices are almost limitless. Maybe try cooking, water skiing, or french literature class. I heard a college in San Diego has an underwater basket weaving class (for real). Look into it. You may be surprised what the local colleges have to offer.

This could be your husband saying, "Would you like to put all your eggs in this one basket?"
The answer is "Never."

Dance Lessons
Whether it's ballroom, salsa, or hip hop, dancing is a lot of fun to do together. When is the last time you formed a hip-hop dance team with your spouse? I never have, and never will. If I did though I'd call it the "Jive Alive Dance Club of Orlando" also known as the JADCO. Admit it, there's something beyond romantic and awesome about the Tango.

Dates at new restaurants
Food, glorious food. Who doesn't like to eat? Some of you may be all like, "Food is just fuel." That's messed up. If you believe that, then I have some 87 octane for you. If not, open the phone book (old school google) and pick a place to go with your husband or wife.

Dates in fruit picking fields
These types of excursions are not only a memorable midday experience but they also provide a fantastic post-date snack. Add some chocolate to your freshly picked strawberries and watch out! It's sexy time.

Fly a kite and have a picnic
Two things that go well together. Sweatpants and a heater. Two things that don't. I bet you've never flown a kite together. Try mixing the kite with a bottle of red and tuna sandwiches and you have a picnic that would make Yogi Bear blush.

Lounge at an upscale pool
If you really want to make it honest, why not even get a room at the hotel that comes with the pool? Women love laying by the pool and baking. Tan skin is happy skin. Burnt skin is not. Use sunblock and if you get too hot, go in the pool.

Go for a drive
Anywhere. Through the country. In the city. Around a parking garage (wait, they charge, scratch that). Fill up the tank and get that motor and your mouth running.

Pick a TV show and make a running date to watch it together a few nights a week
This is a fun idea and easily accomplished via Netflix (who just raised their prices 60%, whatever!). You could go with Netflix or the DVD. I suggest any season of Star Trek, Family Ties or Knight Rider. Nothing says dating fun like the Hoff!

Visit the planetarium or a museum
Never stop learning. Or at least never stop thinking about learning someday. A local museum or science center gives you the chance to get to know your spouse's likes and dislikes even better. Imagine your wife's face on Christmas morning when you present her with a painting by her favorite artist, Picasso. Cheap!

Visit the local video arcade
Nothing brings out the child in you like acting like a child. Play some skee-ball or air hockey and the laughter will commence. After two hours, your husband's voice may even begin to crack again.

Got any fun couple ideas? Please share any or all thoughts in our comments section below.

The Encourager, Mr. Tom Smith (1943-2011)

A couple of weeks back, I attended the memorial service for Mr. Tom Smith. Person after person stood up and told stories about Tom's sense of humor and his servant heart. It was a particularly sad day for me because Tom was a huge supporter of The Marriage Show. He and his wife Gail were and are ongoing encouragers of our mission to make marriages stronger. And that's what I'll remember most about Tom. He was overflowing with encouragement. 

The last time I spoke to Tom was about 6 weeks ago. I talked to him on the phone for 30 minutes and my goal was to see how he was feeling and to tell him thank you for all of his support. I spent about 2 minutes talking and he used the other 28 minutes encouraging me and boasting about the work that God is going to do through the ministry to help marriages. By the time the conversation ended, I literally felt like I could shoot through the roof. I found myself, that night, praying that God's will be done but also that Tom's words would come true. His encouragement became my prayer.

People need that kind of encouragement in their lives. I sure do. Tom was one of a handful of people (Isaac Nadeau, Steve DeMoor, Dr. Mark Beeson, Pastor Isaac Hunter, and others) who go out of their way to speak, big inspiring words into my life. What a difference people like that make. I want to be like Tom.

On a side note, another thing that I love about Tom and Gail is their son, Bob. Bob is the lead guitarist for Wed Zeppelin (The Marriage Show band). He has been sharing his immense talent with the show for years. Even before he got engaged to his fiancee Lisa, he used his single-man, servant's heart to help build marriages. What a testament to Tom and Gail! Some might say that Bob's pre-marriage participation in the band is evidence that he was looking for his soulmate. I told him, like I do everyone, that The Marriage Show is no place to meet the ladies. I know that Bob's true motivation was and is to help the show and the local church. Thank you Bob!

I am sad that I've lost one of our biggest, vocal supports. I am sad for Tom's family. But I am beyond happy for Tom. He is where I want to be. With Jesus. And I know that I will see Tom again, and I can't wait to hear his words of encouragement. Words that I will never forget and pray come true.

Podcast 16 - Cheap Dates

In this episode, we talk about Linda's vow renewal service(s), ideas for cheap (but great) dates, and Jason's creepy time-out dolls.

The Marriage Show Podcast 16

"I just called... to say, I love you!"

What are you doing today to let your spouse know that you're thinking about them? I bet you're working and your boss knows that you're thinking about them because you showed up to the office today. Although, I must question if you're working if you got to this link from Facebook or Twitter. Not judging!

Give more effort to your marriage than your job. What? Let me say that again. Give more effort TODAY to your marriage than to your job. Text, email, or call your spouse "Stevie Wonder" style. "No New Year's Day... to celebrate. No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away..." 

It's Monday. It's (probably) not your anniversary. It's just a day to say "I love you." Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Be like Stevie! The majority of the time, this is a good idea.

Podcast 15 - Vacations

In this episode, we welcome Linda to the team and talk about couples vacations and more (including the Spiderman broadway musical).

The Marriage Show Podcast 15

Notes from "How to cherish and nourish your wife."

Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

So we are to cherish and nourish our wives, as Christ cherishes and nourishes the church.

Practical ways to cherish your wife

1) Be trustworthy

2) Make her load lighter, not heavier

3) Listen to her

4) Pray with her

5) Put her needs before your own

6) Show her your gratitude

Practical ways to nourish your wife

1) Help her develop and utilize her gifts

2) Help her fulfill her purpose and dreams

3) Showing and telling her you love her

4) Make romance a priority

Here's a fantastic clip from the film Shenandoah where Jimmy Stewart is talking to his future son-in-law about women.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xf5SDKcfFkU

Podcast 14 - Part two of Professor Amanda Raffenaud's interview

In this episode, we conclude our interview with Professor Amanda Raffenaud. We focus on how Amanda deals with James' Elvis obsession, the major part she plays in making The Marriage Show work, and the role she played in helping James find out what role God has for him.

The Marriage Show Podcast 14

Campus Minister Communication Panel Ground Rules

On the show last night at Summit Church, we had two wonderful couples talk about fundamental #3, Communication Matters. Garry and Abbie Abbott and Eddie and Brianne Kaufholz shared some wonderful, personalized ground rules they each have when communicating.

Eddie and Brianne

1. It is helpful to take a 20 minutes conversation break if they feel an issue getting too emotional.

2. Topic filter - Is this a conversation that we need to have? Is this going matter in six months?

3. Don't predict the other person's feelings, let them process their experience.

4. Empathy vs Solution - meet them in their feeling, and give the other person what they're seeking.

Garry and Abbie

1. Think of the other person before you speak.

2. Don't walk out on each other.

3. Demeaning each other is never okay.

4. We don't ever say the word: Divorce.

What are your communication ground rules? I bet some of these would be great to adopt in your marriage. Thoughts? 

Podcast 13 - Part one of Professor Amanda Raffenaud's interview

In this episode, we have Amanda Raffenaud (James' wife) in the studio talking about how they first met, what makes their marriage work and how The Marriage Show has worked for couples.

The Marriage Show Podcast 13

Communication breakdown?

At some point in our marriages, we (husbands) will become frustrated that our wife is not a man. I don't mean physically. I mean emotionally and relationally. Wives will get frustrated about this too (except the opposite). We don't realize it's even happening. 

The truth is, that sometimes, we (wives here) expect men to act and react like women and vice versa*. We don't live in the reality that men (and sometimes women) tend to be more logical thinkers and bring less feeling to a given subject. Typically, we choose to marry someone that does life differently than we do. That's because it would be boring and unchallenging to marry ourselves. We need that alternate perspective to form us into a better person.

When it comes to communication, they are many do's and don'ts. At the next show (April 1st at Summit church), we will feature a panel that will focus on uncovering some helpful communication tips. Herndon Campus Minister Eddie Kaulfholz and his wife, Brianne (she's a marriage counselor) will be my guests. Along with Waterford Campus Minister Garry Abbott and wife, Abbie to complete the panel. Please consider joining us as we unpack Fundamental #3 Communication matters.

*Vice Versa is a 1988 movie starring Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage (The Wonder Years). You could probably use two hours of your life in a better way than watching the film. Sorry, Judge. I bet his parents wanted a different career for him than an actor, just going off his first name.

Podcast 12 - Part two of Dr. Iamaio Interview

In this episode, we conclude our interview with NY marriage counselor Dr. John Iamaio. Dr. Iamaio shares beyond helpful marriage tips from his over 30 years of experience.

The Marriage Show Podcast 12

Podcast 11 - Part one of Dr. Iamaio Interview

In this episode, we talk to New York marriage counselor Dr. John Iamaio. It's both fun and insightful.

The Marriage Show Podcast 11

Podcast 10 - Co-Host Jason Scarborough and his wife Sheli.

In this episode, one of the show's co-hosts (Jason) brings his wife (Sheli) into the studio to share their story and the power real commitment has in marriage.

The Marriage Show Podcast 10

C.O.M.M.U.N.I.C.A.T.E by Pastors Jim & Dawn Raley

 Just got from the show at Calvary Christian Center in Ormond Beach. What a fantastic church!

The message tonight was from their Senior Pastors Jim and Dawn Raley. I hope that their congregation knows just how super blessed they are to have them at Calvary (I bet they do).

Here are the notes from their talk:

C - Communication
O - Open minded 
M - Mindful
M - Merciful
U - Understanding
N - Nice 
I - Interested
C - Constant
A - Available
T - Trustworthy
E - Emotional

The message was Christ-filled, practical, genuine, and entertaining. Thank you Pastors!

Podcast 9 - Marc & Linda Pentecost

In this episode, we are joined by Marc & Linda Pentecost. They share about their marriage, about life as a soap opera actress in New York, and a significant trial that pushed them together towards Christ.

The Marriage Show Podcast 9