Connie Rainwater answers your questions from the show

I have asked Connie Rainwater (panelists and wife of Pastor Vernon Rainwater) if she would be willing to answer some of your questions submitted at the show held at Northland on Jan. 27th. She was more than gracious enough to share her marital wisdom with us all. 

Question:
"How do you let the little things go?"

Connie's answer:
There are so many kinds of “little things.” If you are talking about squeezing the toothpaste in the middle, that is one thing. If you are talking about not getting home for dinner, or something else that seems to be a symptom of a larger issue, then that is worth some conversation.

When confronted with little, irritating things one’s spouse does, I think the best approach is to express it one time. After that, it is important to remember the big picture. This is a person you love. 

My father-in-law was one of the wisest men I have ever known. He used humor to deal with nearly everything in his life. Whenever my mother-in-law would get after him for something he had done, he would say, jokingly, “Now Mother, there are plenty of women in this town who would love to have my size 14 boots parked under their bed.” He was a faithful man, so part of the humor was in the fact that his leaving was so far fetched. So it was hilarious, but he made his point. Was this really worth creating conflict? 

On the other hand, if your spouse is irritated with something you are doing and has expressed it, you have been given key information about how to love him/her well. How would it ever be worth it for you to continue doing something that takes away from your spouse’s daily delight?  And how would it ever be worth it for you to fail to do something that you know would add to your spouse’s daily joy? 

I believe that relationships have a sort of balance sheet, or savings account. Each thoughtful, loving thing you do adds to the balance in that relational account. The bigger the balance in the relational account, the stronger the sense of love, trust and security that exists. When hard times come and neither you nor your spouse have anything to give to one another, you have to make withdrawals from that account, relying on the faith you have come to have in one another. But relationships, like businesses, can go bankrupt. So take advantage of every kind thing you can possibly do for your spouse.